Smex Ed

An exploration of the societal double standards of the age gap relationship

While curled up one evening with my favorite blanket, I caught a preview for ‘MILF Manor,’ and I just knew it needed to be added to my favorites list. But, come on, the name alone is enticing.

This show follows eight single women between the ages of 40 and 60 who pursue romantic relationships with eight single men a few decades younger. There is a twist… And you will have to watch to find out.

PUMA, COUGAR, JAGUAR, AND MILF – WHAT ARE THE DIFFERENCES

Pumas, Cougars, Jaguars, and MILFs are terms used to describe attractive older women. Still, there are some differences in the connotations and usage of the terms.

Puma is referred to as a woman in her 30s who prefers dating younger men.  

A Cougar typically refers to an older woman in her 40s or 50s who actively seeks out sexual relationships with younger male companions at least 10 years or younger and often half their age. The term is often playful or empowering, suggesting the woman is confident, experienced, and independent.

And a Jaguar is a woman 50 and over who tends to be financially stable and only looking for sex from their twenty-something companion.

On the other hand, MILF stands for ‘Mother I’d Like to Fuck’ and is a term used to describe an attractive older woman, typically in her 30s, 40s, or even 50s, who is a mother. This acronym is often used by younger men who find these women sexually attractive.

Unlike the terms Puma, Cougar, and Jaguar, which focus on the woman’s age and independence, MILF emphasizes her status as a mother and the sexual desire that she elicits in others.

While those terms describe attractive older women, they tend to be viewed more positively. At the same time, MILF is often seen as more objectifying and disrespectful.

Growing up, it seemed acceptable for an older man to date a younger woman because, as they say, ‘he is going through a midlife crisis.’ 

Let’s explore the double standard that society places on women who date younger men.

IS THERE A DOUBLE STANDARD?

A societal double standard regarding older women dating younger men leads to stigmatization and negative stereotypes. It is rooted in traditional gender roles and ageist attitudes prioritizing men’s sexual desirability.  

In many societies, romances involving older men and younger women are celebrated and viewed as a symbol of the man’s masculinity, power, and success.

In contrast, women who date younger men are subjected to negative labels and stereotypes, and their relationships are seen as foolish or less valid.

Relationships between older men and younger women are often portrayed as desirable and normal in popular media, as seen below.

1. “Pretty Woman” (1990) – This romantic comedy stars Richard Gere as a wealthy businessman who falls in love with a prostitute (played by Julia Roberts) who is much younger than him.
2. “Friends” (TV series, 1994-2004) – In the show, the character Ross (played by David Schwimmer) dates a much younger student named Elizabeth (played by Alexandra Holden).
3. “The Wolf of Wall Street” (2013) – This film features Leonardo DiCaprio as a wealthy stockbroker who becomes involved with a much younger woman (played by Margot Robbie) who is later revealed to be his second wife.

On the other hand, older women and younger men are often portrayed as unconventional or taboo in popular media. They are sometimes used as a source of humor.

1. “The Graduate” (1967) – While this film is often considered an older man-younger woman relationship, the more senior Mrs. Robinson’s sexual pursuit of the young college graduate is portrayed as predatory and taboo.
2. “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” (1998) – This film stars Angela Bassett as a 40-something woman who falls in love with a much younger man (played by Taye Diggs). While the film ultimately has a positive message about following your heart, the relationship is initially portrayed as scandalous and taboo.
3. “Cougar Town” (TV series, 2009-2015) – This sitcom centers around middle-aged women dating younger men. While the show is a comedy, it often relies on stereotypes and jokes about the age difference between the characters.

WHY THE AGE GAP?

• Biologically, men typically experience a slower decline in physical and sexual functioning, while women experience more rapid declines. In turn, younger women may become more desirable to older men, and older women may feel that younger men can offer them the vitality and energy they are losing. Older men who find younger women more desirable can be due to childbearing attraction, feel good power, seeking admiration, boosting their self-esteem and playfulness. On the other hand, younger men can offer an older woman the feelings of vitality and energy, something they may be losing.
• Cultural and societal norms play a role in how these relationships are perceived. Men have been seen as the providers and protectors in relationships for centuries. At the same time, women have been expected to be nurturing and supportive. This has led to a cultural stereotype that men should be older and more established. At the same time, women should be younger and more submissive. When these norms are violated, such as an older woman dating a younger man, it can be seen as a threat to traditional gender roles and stigmatized.
• A power dynamic can also play into age-gap relationships. Older men who date younger women may be seen as having more power and control. In comparison, older women who date younger men may be seen as taking advantage of or manipulating their partner. This power dynamic can be compounded by wealth, social status, and celebrity issues, which can further influence how the relationship is perceived.

As societal attitudes towards gender roles and relationships evolve, we may see changes in how age-gap relationships are perceived and portrayed. 

Ultimately, beliefs about women dating younger men are shaped by a complex web of cultural, social, and personal factors. While some people may view age-gap relationships as inappropriate or taboo, others may see them as a positive and fulfilling way to explore love and intimacy.

WHY DO YOUNGER MEN FIND OLDER WOMEN ALLURING? 

One day you find gray hair, and the next, you’re tweezing a hair under your chin. And let’s remember the weight gain around the belly. Our bodies constantly change as we age, and it’s hard to fathom that a younger man would find anything about us desirable.

Older women tend to judge themselves based on what others see physically. Still, younger men find them attractive not only because of their confidence and how comfortable they are in their own skin, but the ability to communicate their wants/desires in a mature way. They’ve also had more life experiences and are often more sure of knowing what they want.

Surprisingly, some younger men find the physical changes that come with aging, such as wrinkles, to be unique and attractive. Additionally, older women may have a more refined sense of style and be more sophisticated in their appearance.

Emotional Intelligence plays a role as well since older women tend to understand and communicate their emotions better than their younger counterparts who may be socialized to suppress or ignore their emotions.

Life experiences, knowledge, and wisdom come with age, which can make for engaging conversations and a deeper connection. In addition, older women are often more emotionally stable, have a better sense of what they expect in a relationship, and are less likely to engage in drama.

If you’re still curious about what a younger man would find attractive in an older woman, read this article 31 Clear Signs A Younger Man Likes An Older Woman.

EMPOWERING YOURSELF IN AN AGE-GAP RELATIONSHIP

Society often stigmatizes relationships where the woman is older than the man, making women of a certain age feel self-conscious or insecure about their relationship.  

The words ‘puma, cougar, jaguar, or MILF’ certainly aren’t flattering, and some women may fear being seen as predatory or predatory-like dating a younger man.  

Feeling empowered cultivates a sense of self-worth and the ability to set boundaries and effectively communicate with your partner.

Below are five tips on how to do that:

1. Recognize your worth: It’s important to remember that you bring value to the relationship, regardless of your age. Focus on your strengths, accomplishments, and what you have to offer your partner.
2. Communicate your needs: Be clear about your needs and expectations in the relationship. Talk openly with your partner about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not and be willing to listen to their perspective as well.
3. Set boundaries: Establish boundaries that feel comfortable and stick to them. This can include things like how much time you spend together, what physical intimacy you’re satisfied with, or how much you share about your personal life.
4. Be confident: Confidence is attractive, no matter your age. Focus on your positive qualities, dress to make you feel good about yourself, and approach the relationship with a sense of self-assurance.
5. Educate yourself: If you’re self-conscious about the age gap, research other successful age-gap relationships. This can help you see that you’re not alone and that many other people have found happiness in similar situations.

Remember, every relationship is unique. The most important thing is to prioritize your well-being and communicate openly with your partner about your needs and boundaries.

Bottom Line

Using slang terms like “puma, cougar, jaguar, and MILF” to box people in, particularly women, can be used to stereotype and generalize individuals based on their age and romantic partners is somewhat dated. 

Have you ever noticed that there’s no male equivalent for these terms?  

Societal expectations or judgments are often heavily influenced by patriarchal beliefs. They value younger women for their youth, beauty, innocence, and willingness to give up their power to men. 

In addition, the patriarchy exists to empower and uphold the status quo of old white men.

This is why older men, sometimes significantly older, marry or date much younger women is not condemned by society.

There is often a severe power differential as well. For example, the rich man has their much younger wife sign a prenuptial agreement, and she often becomes dependent upon him.

Older women are not usually patriarchal and thus are less likely to impose their will upon younger men. 

Society continues to label what women desire, whether referring to older or younger partners. Ultimately, women continue to push back on old taboos and seek out romantic partners of whatever age they want.

Life is meant to be lived whether you are young or old. You deserve a life filled with love, joy, and happiness. Still, sometimes we get in our heads and don’t allow ourselves to step into that power of being a confident, sassy, beautiful, intelligent, wise, and wild woman.

Remember that every relationship is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all formula for dating a younger man. Instead, trust your instincts, communicate openly, and enjoy the journey.