Smex Ed

There was a time in my life, that I couldn’t even look at myself naked in the mirror. After showering, I would grab my towel, wrap it around me as fast as humanly possible, and book it out of the bathroom, all this just to avoid catching a glimpse of my naked body in the bathroom mirror.

Now, I post pictures of myself in lingerie on the internet for hundreds of thousands of people to:

• Embrace
• Support
• Love
• Hate
• Critize
• Objectify

which probably has your head turning silently mouthing the words “how the fuck?” And I get it. How in the absolute fuck did I go from not looking at myself naked to being able to be confident enough to not only take photos of myself, but to post them for the world to see?

The short answer: I started fucking myself again

F*cking Myself:

Before we can dive into the various reasons why masturbation is absolutely crucial for your existence on this planet, we need to discuss the steps to get there, and the first step in this journey: learning to respect your body.

Before you completely freak out and close out this article, or think to yourself “Well I hate my fucking body” I want you to chew on this…

You feel you aren’t being seen by your partner. You feel you aren’t being seen by the world. This is leading you to feel like you are hiding a piece of yourself, wearing a mask, drowning your body in oversized clothing. You can’t remember the last time you felt sexy. You are yearning for intimacy, connection, and yet starving yourself from it at the exact same time. You feel lost and alone. You are craving for more. You deserve more. But how are you ever going to achieve what you desire, to be truly seen by others, if you can’t even see yourself?

That is all I am asking for you to do here: I just want you to start looking at yourself again.

Mirror Work

I want you to get in front of a mirror, preferably a full length mirror, but any style should work. I want you to stand in front of that mirror, fully clothed, and just look at yourself.

Seems easy enough right? Great. But there is a slight catch here. I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and only think/say positive things about your body.

Yup, you read that right. POSITIVE things. We as women, innately pick apart our bodies more than we’ll ever praise our bodies. We are the first ones to pinch our skin, roll our eyes at cellulite, wish our bodies were: thinner, curvier, muscular, etc. We create lists about everything that is wrong with our bodies and how we need to “fix them.” But what if you didn’t do that? What if, instead you look at your body and say something you respect about your body?

Listen, I am not trying to shove that self help guru love your body bullshit down your throat, because I don’t believe in it. I don’t believe women will every truly love their bodies because society has brain washed us to always hate them, to focus on our imperfections, to constantly not feel good enough or that we have to improve ourselves in someway. Therefore, asking a woman to say ” I LOVE MY BODY” isn’t fair because she has never been given the permission to love her body, she doesn’t know how.

What I am asking you to do, however, is respect your body.

Look in the mirror and say to yourself, What do I respect about my body?

“I respect that my body has gotten me this far”

You have to learn to respect your body because your body deserves that respect. And before you hit me with “well my body isn’t where I want it to be right now, let me hit you with some hard truth:

Your body will never get to where you want it to be if you constantly disrespect it by telling it how much you fucking hate it.

Cut “But…” Out of Your Dictionary

The second step into reconnecting with your body and gaining the self confidence you want, is to own your fucking hotness. Yes, you are hot, beautiful, stunning, whatever terminology you want to use and it’s time to fucking own it.

How many times has someone said something nice to you and your response is “thanks, but (insert negative comment here)”

“Your hair looks incredible today”

“Oh, thank you, but I couldn’t get the curls right. It looks like crap”

“You have such beautiful eyes”

“Thanks, but my glasses hide them so you can’t really see them”

“I love that dress!”

“Oh, this old thing? Thanks, but it’s not really special”

See where I am going here? As women, we are told by society that we have to be “humble” “gracious” confident but not egotistical. We are told that. we aren’t allowed to appreciate ourselves, aka: own our hotness. But that is exactly what you need to do in order to reconnect with yourself again. You have to recognize that you are beautiful and if others are recognizing that beauty, you should be recognizing it FIRST.

Stop hurling out insults about yourself when people are trying to show you affection. Stop being negative about your appearance with yourself. Accept that you are a stunning creature and that you deserve to receive the praise from yourself and others.

When someone pays you a compliment, own it. “Thank you, I appreciate that. I do look beautiful today” or even compliment yourself “today, I feel beautiful.” “This dress looks amazing on me” “My makeup is fierce” All these little love affirmations to yourself boost your self confidence and your body will respond to that.

Let’s Get Naked

Oh ya, you read that right. It’s time to dawn your birthday suit. Reconnecting with your body is about giving yourself the permission to see your body. What better way to see your body than to stand in front of a mirror naked.

Remember the mirror work we spoke about above, now we are going to do that completely naked. Take off your clothes, stand in front of the mirror, and look how insanely gorgeous you are. Go through the “I respect” part. of the mirror work first, praising your body for bringing you to where you are today. Move around in front of the mirror, watch how the contours of your body shift, how graceful you look, how strong you are. Spend a few minutes here, just appreciating your body for all that it is.

Now, I want you to start slowly touching your body. This doesn’t have to be in a sexual way, but more of a sensual touch. Slowly run your finger nails up and down your thighs, caress your chest, place the palm of your hand on the back of your neck and squeeze gently. We are looking for skin on skin contact here. I want you to get used to the feeling of being touched again and you are the safest you will ever be with yourself.

Cup your ass with your hands, give yourself a hug, touch your nipples, nothing is off limits with your body. Focus on how good it feels to have your hands on your body, the feeling of touch on your skin. Focus on how your body reacts to it, does it get chills? Goosebumps? Do you feel an ache anywhere?

This exercise is meant for you to take however far you want to. You can practice touching yourself for a few minutes and call it a day, but if you notice yourself getting turned on by this: WONDERFUL! You are a sensual being who deserves to feel sexy and turned on. Your touch is awakening you and that is exactly what we want to do, awaken your body.

Touching Yourself

You knew it was coming (no pun intended) it’s time to start touching yourself again. This is how we reconnect with your body again. I know at this point you may have convinced yourself that you do “need” to masturbate, that if you want to have sex you will just do it with a partner, or maybe you’ve just never really been into masturbation. I ask that if either of these resonate with you, that you have an open mind and listen to what I have to say about masturbation before dismissing this step altogether. 

Masturbation is vital for every single human on this planet. I am not going to go over the numerous health benefits that come with masturbation, although there are plenty, but when you masturbate, you are able to connect with your body on a level that is unmatched, even if you have an incredible sex life. 

Masturbation is the safest way to explore your body’s capabilities. It’s the easiest way to connect with yourself again and you should be self pleasuring on a regular basis. When you are alone with yourself, you have the ability to truly explore your body, to rediscover what makes you tick, what makes your toes curl, what works/what doesn’t. When you know your body on an intimate level you are able to communicate your wants and needs not only to your partner better, but to yourself as well. 

I was never much of a masturbation enthusiast growing up, mostly because no one ever told me about it and so when I did do it, I felt guilty, dirty, slutty, you name it. It was mixed with so much shame. Repressing this side of me, led to me repressing ALL sides of me. I struggled communicating my desires, my emotions, my authenticity. When I started masturbating on a regular basis, it opened up an entire world to me. 

I became in tune with my body, I learned every inch of my body, I became more confident in my body. I stopped looking at my body as something that was separate from me and started realizing it was me. I became more in tune with my emotions, started becoming more vulnerable to those around me, realized how much I loved pleasure, and ultimately led me here…to you. 

Yes, I just said masturbation changed my life, because it fucking did. It gave me the confidence I needed to show up every day to talk about sex with you. It gave me the courage to express my wants and desires to thousands of random strangers on the internet. It caused me to go from the woman who avoided the mirror, to the woman who posts half naked pictures of herself on the internet, not giving a FUUUUUCCKKKK what other people have to say about it. 

No one can make you cum, as much as you can. No one can make you scream as loudly as you can. No one can see you, like you can. 
It’s time to start fucking yourself again because reconnecting with your body, ultimately leads to you reconnecting with you.