All Tied Up: 5 Tips for Exploring Rope Bondage

If rope bondage has somehow crossed your path and piqued your interest, but you don’t know where to start … don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.

Rope bondage (also called Shibari, or simply ‘rope’ in kink circles), includes using rope and knots to restrain someone and often has an artistic and creative element to it.

Quick history: Shibari started in Japan as a way to restrain prisoners and evolved to include an erotic element and as a performance art. In the 1990s, shibari began gaining popularity in BDSM circles in the Western world.

From my experience, the natural domination/submission of the act is what draws people to shibari. There’s a level of deeper intimacy that occurs when incorporating rope play, which can help build connection with your partner.

The very basics can include restraining hands or feet with rope cuffs, all the way to suspending someone from the ceiling using ropes. But – don’t get ahead of yourself … suspension isn’t something you should jump into right away.

Here’s some things to keep in mind when getting started with Shibari:

(And keep in mind, this is from my own personal experience, as well as educational knowledge, but I am NOT an expert in shibari.)

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Consent is always still needed. Discuss with your partner what you’d like to do and how you’ll achieve it before you start. Including a way for each of you to let the other know you’re either in pain, uncomfortable, or want to stop for any reason. Constantly check in and talk with each other to make sure everyone is ok.
Do more research than you think you need. There’s a ton of information and tutorials out there for rope bondage. Some that I know of and would feel confident recommending are Two Knotty Boys (there’s some videos on youtube) and The Duchy (dutch-ee) that has some free and paid tutorials. Shibari Study is another site that has amazing tutorials – and their instagram page gives some great visuals. Depending on where you live, you may even be able to find a group on Fetlife (a social media platform for the kink community) who would be happy to help give you tips in person.
Practice, practice, practice. I once had a partner who said they learned basic ties by practicing on themselves every night when they watched tv. Self-tying is a great way to not only practice getting the knots right, but also understanding how it feels to be in rope and limits with pain/pressure points.
Safety first. There is minimal risk when you first start practicing, however the more complicated the ties, the more risk there is. Be sure to know what those risks are and what to look out for. (This is when having someone – or a local group – can be helpful.) All of the above recommendations touch on the safety aspect in their teachings.
Have fun! Shibari can be a super sensual experience. It also can be just a fun experience without any sexual contact. I love Shibari Study for getting a glimpse of the sensuality that can be explored with rope. There’s a certain beauty in the submission to the rope. Communicate beforehand whether your rope session will be a sensual, non-sexual experience or something that will lead to sex.
Bonus tip: Don’t forget the aftercare! Be sure to check in with your partner after playing and address any emotions that may have come up. Some options for self-care: snuggling, gently rubbing the area where ropes were, having a snack/drink, gentle caresses and/or kissing. Ask your partner what they may like after any kind of kinky session.

Rope doesn’t require a lot of supplies to get started; in fact, all you need is some rope and a pair of safety scissors. DO NOT skip the safety scissors – I promise you don’t want to be trying to untie someone quickly if you need to. While you’ll probably never have to use them, having them available is absolutely essential. Pro safety tip for play: Ask any potential partner to see their safety scissors – if there aren’t any around, do not engage in any kind of bondage.

Deciding on the type of rope can be difficult – there’s a TON of options out there – but I would recommend getting your starter rope from a shibari-focused dealer and not from the self-serve rope section at Home Depot. Not because you can’t use it, but because it’s just not the best for starting off. Personally, I use deGiotto Rope, which is based out of Texas – they have a ton of options and will even send you a sample pack to help you decide on which rope you like best. They also have an extensive library of information on rope play and rope care.

Here’s some additional direct links for rope play: