Smex Ed

We all know about the typical self-care tips: bubble baths, face masks, lighting a candle that smells like lavender and promises to transport you to a mountaintop in Bali. But let’s face it—there’s a whole other realm of self-care that’s not just skin-deep. That’s right, I’m talking about sexual self-care. It’s time to get comfortable with the idea that taking care of your sexual health and pleasure is just as important as all that other pampering. And no, it doesn’t require an Instagram-worthy setting, just an open mind and maybe a little solo time with your favorite toy.

Ready to dive in? Let’s break it down.

1. Understand Your Sexual Health

First thing’s first: sexual self-care isn’t just about pleasure; it’s about being in tune with your body. Regularly checking in on your sexual health is vital. Get familiar with how your body reacts, what feels good, and what doesn’t. Schedule those checkups, because prevention is better than Googling your symptoms at 2 a.m. and panicking. Your sexual well-being isn’t something you should only think about when you’re in the mood—keep it on your radar year-round! Here is a checklist for you to help navigate this aspect of your self care:

Sexual Health Check-In Checklist

1. Know Your Body’s Baseline
   • Take note of any changes in your body, discharge, or discomfort.
   • Check your genitals for lumps, bumps, or changes.
   • Track your cycle if you have one (for hormonal shifts).
2. Monitor Pain and Discomfort
   • Pain During Sex: Any discomfort or pain should be addressed.
   • Post-Sex Sensitivity: If you experience prolonged soreness or discomfort, investigate.
3. Track Your Libido
   • Observe fluctuations in desire, especially around your cycle or emotional shifts.
   • Notice if stress or life changes affect your libido.
4. Sexual Function Check
   • Arousal: Is it easier or harder to become aroused than usual?
   • Orgasms: Are you reaching orgasm consistently? Any discomfort during?
5. Mental and Emotional Connection
   • Body Image: How do you feel about your body during sex? Any discomfort or self-consciousness?
   • Emotional Readiness: Are you engaging in sex because you want to, not out of pressure or obligation?
6. Routine Sexual Health Checkups
   • Pap Smears & Pelvic Exams: Get checked annually or as recommended.
   • STI Screenings: Get tested for STIs regularly, even if you don’t have symptoms.
   • Menstrual Health: Track changes in your period, like pain, irregularity, or abnormal bleeding.

2. Pleasure is a Priority (Yes, Really!)

Society often sends mixed signals about pleasure, especially when it comes to women and marginalized groups. We’re told that pursuing sexual pleasure is “taboo,” “selfish,” or even “dirty.” But here’s the truth: You deserve to feel pleasure. Your body, your rules.

Allowing yourself to enjoy and explore your sexuality is a revolutionary act of self-care. Whether solo or with a partner, pleasure is your birthright—not something to feel guilty about. In fact, paying attention to what feels good and honoring that can be incredibly healing and empowering.

Sexual self-care is about exploring what feels good, not just what you think you’re “supposed” to enjoy. Yes, pleasure matters. It’s not selfish to prioritize your own enjoyment—whether solo or with a partner. So, this is your permission slip to get to know your body and what gets you going.

If you’re feeling a little shy about exploring yourself (we’ve all been there), start slow. Try a little self-exploration with a mirror, or discover a toy that suits your style. Remember: there’s no “right” way to experience pleasure, so have fun finding what makes you say, “Oh, hello there.”

Understanding the Stigma

For centuries, pleasure—especially women’s pleasure—has been stigmatized or dismissed. We’ve been taught that the pursuit of sex and pleasure should be for someone else’s benefit. But let’s be real: your sexuality is yours to explore without shame. Self-pleasure isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

When we suppress pleasure, we often suppress our bodies’ signals, too. If you’ve ever felt guilty or embarrassed about exploring your body, know you’re not alone. But it’s time to unlearn that shame. Exploring your pleasure is a healthy, natural part of being in tune with your body and your sexual well-being.

How to Explore Your Pleasure

Here are some fun, non-judgmental ways to get to know what makes you feel good—because, trust me, you’re worth it.

1. Self-Exploration
   • Take Your Time: Start by simply getting comfortable with your body. No rush, no expectations. Take the pressure off achieving anything in particular. Explore how your skin feels when touched, or how different parts of your body respond to light pressure or movement.
   • Use a Mirror: Try exploring yourself in front of a mirror. This isn’t about vanity; it’s about connecting with your body. Observe what feels good and where, and embrace your unique anatomy.
   • Solo Play: Masturbation isn’t just about orgasm. It’s about discovering what excites you. Whether it’s through clitoral stimulation, penetration, or even using pressure in new ways—there’s no “right” method, only what feels right for you. Be curious!
2. Toys and Tools
   • Vibrators and Dildos: Toys aren’t just for partners—they’re a fantastic tool for solo pleasure exploration. Vibrators, for example, can help you pinpoint where and how you like to be touched, and they can give you an entirely new level of sensation. Play around with different settings and styles to discover what works for you.
   • Lubricants: Don’t underestimate the power of lube! It can enhance sensation, ease discomfort, and make exploration even more pleasurable. Don’t just use it when things feel “dry” or “uncomfortable”—try it as part of your regular exploration to increase enjoyment and reduce friction.
3. Engage Your Other Senses
   • Scent and Sound: Create a sensory experience. Light candles, put on some music that makes you feel good, or use aromatherapy oils. The ambiance can enhance your experience, turning a simple exploration into a full-body encounter.
   • Fantasy and Visualization: Mental stimulation is just as important as physical touch. Explore your fantasies and daydreams. Let yourself get lost in the idea of what feels exciting to you, without worrying about judgment or guilt.
4. Play With Different Techniques
   • Experiment With Different Strokes: Explore different ways of touching, from light, teasing strokes to firmer pressure. Feel free to try exploring your erogenous zones in new ways, like gently tracing your collarbone, touching your nipples, or experimenting with anal play.
   • Edge Play: Build up slowly to the point of orgasm, then stop before you climax. Repeat this several times to extend the pleasure, and notice how your body reacts to the “build-up” without rushing to the finish line.
5. Arousal Without Orgasm
   • Slow Down: Orgasm is great, but it’s not the end-all-be-all of sexual pleasure. Focus on how you feel throughout the experience rather than pushing for a specific goal. Get comfortable with the sensation of arousal without needing to finish the journey. Just bask in the sensations, whether you’re playing solo or with a partner.

Pleasure Without Guilt

Remember, the goal isn’t perfection—it’s exploration. Allow yourself to indulge in your own pleasure, and let go of the guilt and shame society has built around it. Pleasure is a form of self-respect. It’s your right to explore your sexuality in ways that make you feel empowered and confident.

So, whether it’s through masturbation, toy play, or simply basking in the feeling of your body, explore. Know that you deserve every ounce of pleasure you can give yourself. You’re not only taking care of your sexual health, but you’re also honoring your body, mind, and spirit. Go ahead—find your pleasure, embrace it, and own it. You’ve earned it.

3. Mindfulness and Masturbation—It’s a Thing

Let’s talk about mindfulness, shall we? Sure, you’re already a pro at staying present during yoga or meditation. But have you tried applying that mindful mindset to your sexual self-care routine? Think of it as a “mind-body connection” that doesn’t involve downward dog. Be present, listen to your body’s needs, and let your mind stay focused on the sensations. This isn’t about getting the fastest or most intense orgasm—it’s about enjoying the journey.

You might also find that taking time to build up sexual energy and savor each moment (without rushing to the end goal) increases your overall pleasure. Whether you’re in the bath or tucked in bed, mindful masturbation is a totally underrated act of self-care.

Mindful masturbation is all about bringing intentionality, focus, and presence to the experience of self-pleasure. Instead of rushing through or disconnecting from the process, mindful masturbation encourages you to slow down, connect with your body, and become more attuned to your sensations. This type of self-pleasure not only enhances physical pleasure but also deepens the emotional and mental connection with yourself.

Here are ways to make your self-pleasure practice more mindful:

1. Create a Comfortable, Safe Environment

• Set the Scene: Begin by creating an atmosphere that feels nurturing and safe. You don’t have to go all out, but lighting some candles, playing soothing music, or even turning off the lights can help you get into the right mindset.
• Eliminate Distractions: Try to minimize external distractions. Put away your phone, avoid checking emails, and focus solely on yourself. This helps create a feeling of calm and ensures you stay present during your practice.

2. Breathe Deeply and Focus on Your Breath

• Slow Down Your Breathing: One of the best ways to stay present in the moment is by paying attention to your breath. Take deep, slow breaths, allowing your lungs to fill fully and then release. This helps calm your nervous system and brings awareness to your body.
• Breathing Through Sensations: As you begin to touch or stimulate yourself, try to breathe with the sensations. For example, inhale deeply as you explore new areas of your body and exhale slowly when you feel heightened pleasure. This can make the experience more intense and grounding.

3. Start With Sensual Exploration, Not a Goal

• Be Curious: Instead of focusing on reaching orgasm, approach your body with curiosity. Start by exploring different textures, pressure, and speeds without any pressure to achieve a certain result.
• Focus on Sensation, Not Performance: Let go of the idea that self-pleasure is a task to “complete.” Instead, turn it into an opportunity to savor each sensation, noticing how different areas of your body feel when touched, stroked, or massaged.

4. Tune In to How Your Body Feels

• Focus on Sensations: Pay close attention to how different parts of your body respond to touch. Are there areas that are especially sensitive? How does your skin feel as you touch it? Notice the texture, temperature, and energy in your body as you move through the experience.
• Mind-Body Connection: Connect emotionally with what your body is experiencing. Are you feeling pleasure, relaxation, excitement, or something else? Let yourself be fully immersed in the sensations and let your body lead the way without judgment.

5. Use the Power of Touch Mindfully

• Vary the Touch: Experiment with different types of touch—soft, light strokes; firmer, deeper pressure; or even tapping or circling. Explore what feels best without rushing through it.
• Slow Down: If you tend to rush towards orgasm, try slowing down the pace of your touch. Increase the anticipation and let the pleasure build gradually. This creates a sense of mindfulness, as you’re paying attention to every movement.
• Non-Genital Exploration: Don’t just focus on your genitals. Explore other parts of your body like your neck, chest, inner thighs, or hands. Often, pleasure isn’t only found in one area, and learning how to explore these places can intensify your experience.

Mindful masturbation is about giving yourself permission to fully enjoy and explore your body without judgment. It’s a practice that allows you to be present, attuned, and aware of your body’s sensations. By focusing on the present moment and bringing intention to your self-pleasure, you can deepen your relationship with your body, increase your pleasure, and embrace a greater sense of self-love.

In Conclusion: Sexy Self-Care = Real Care

Sexual self-care is a total game-changer. It’s not just about orgasms (though those are great); it’s about feeling good, being connected to your body, and making your pleasure a priority. So, throw out the notion that self-care is just face masks and bubble baths. It’s about embracing your sexuality, setting healthy boundaries, and honoring your body’s needs. Treat yourself like the sexy, worthy human you are—and remember: pleasure is always part of the package.

Now, go forth and love yourself… in every way possible. 🌶