Smex Ed

Do you enjoy being told that you’ve done a good job? Or when you do something right being recognized for it? I mean most of us do, right? It’s natural to want our actions and opinions validated and acknowledged. But praise can also ignite arousal in some people, where receiving positive affirmations is a direct link to turning you on.

Receiving praise as a woman is so important even outside of the bedroom, we want to know that we are seen in what we do each day. However, when it comes to your sensual experiences, being told “that feels good” and hearing how you are doing and what you are doing for your partner takes sex from just a physical to a mental stimulation as well. It’s an amplifier showing you everything that your partner is feeling and enjoying which allows you to feel their pleasure more intimately.

A praise kink can be simple. Things like being instructed to do something and wanting to impress your partner with how well you listen. You want to please them on a whole body level and show them you understand what they need. It’s a way of communicating but on another level when it comes to your intimacy and respect for one another.

What are some of the common ways that praise can be incorporated into your sex life so you can test out how you respond to it?

First, you need to have an open line of conversation with your partner if you want to explore praise in a sexual way. Let them know that it turns you on and how you feel when you’re acknowledged in this way. A way of doing this is saying to your partner “Can you tell me what you like when I am doing it in the moment?” Say something like “Baby, that feels so good” or “I love when you do that, keep going.” 

If you are a bit nervous about having the conversation with your partner, as you give your partner pleasure, wait to hear their praise on how you are doing and if they like what you’re giving them. When you touch certain parts of their body do they respond with things like “that feels good” or “yes just like that”? This is a light way of incorporating praise into your sex life that you may already have within your relationship without consciously realizing it.

Praise kink does not only work inside the bedroom or during a sexual experience, it is a form of foreplay and sensual connection at any time.

One of my personal favorite ways to incorporate praise in a sexual way but not specifically during sex is when your partner asks you to wear a certain outfit and you respond by doing so. My husband loves when I wear skirts because he likes to see my legs, that’s a turn on for him. So he will say, “Wear a skirt for our date tonight.” and when I do I receive praise from him for following his request. We are both seen in this moment.

From Confident Woman to Good Girl

Embracing a praise kink can be a form of submissive sexual pleasure as well, because you are allowing a form of your desire to be controlled and given to you by someone else’s actions. When you first hear the term submissive it can sound less than or can make some people feel like they need to lose themselves to receive sexual pleasures. This is not the case AT ALL.

When you step into a submissive role you’re doing so because you choose to engage in this form of sexual release. It says nothing about who you are or what type of person you are. You deal with a lot on a day-to-day basis, so if giving control to your partner helps you relax more in the moment there is nothing wrong with that. It’s about allowing oneself to surrender to the pleasure, not give your power away. 

It’s empowering to know your body well enough to listen to and give her what she needs. Your body talks to you each day, telling you things that it needs like food or sleep; but when it comes to your desires and sensual wants, too often as women you feel you need to push that down. Women don’t feel like they deserve to have what they want at all times. They’re told it’s selfish to want that alone time, or that they could be doing something with their kids or for the house instead of doing the thing that calls to their heart. When you stop pushing away your desires and let yourself listen to what your body truly wants, you open a doorway of communication between you and your most sacred self. You can find your strength and joy and ultimate pleasure in letting your desires come full service. When you surrender into what it is your heart craves, like giving control over during sex to your partner and letting them guide you with their praise, you are allowing yourself to be fulfilled on all levels. No more holding yourself back, but truly letting yourself shine and claim your pleasure in the way you want, the way you deserve.

When the dominant partner guides the submissive in what to do, either during foreplay or while sexually connected, and they listen, they are then rewarded with actions and words, which feeds into their praise kink.

“That’s a good girl. Since you listened now you can come.”

When you have a praise kink your pleasure is tied to the praise you receive and some people need the praise to fully let go and experience their orgasm. Receiving praise from someone or feeling seen and respected actually triggers a release in serotonin, which is also called the “feel good” chemical in your brain. Women on average produce less than the normal amount of serotonin to function properly. Every time you get stressed or anxious, you use up your serotonin, which is essentially one of the main chemicals in your brain to help regulate your mood and mental health from a scientific perspective. You can replenish your serotonin in your body when it is triggered to release by submitting to your praise kink and letting yourself feel into the way your body responds to those words. On more than just a sexual level your body is satisfied when engaging in praise play.

Praise Kinks that are Sensual Gold

When you are embracing bringing praise into your sexual experiences it can start with something as simple as compliments. If you have a praise kink, your partner can say something along the lines of “I really love the way you touch me.” Letting you know that you are doing a good job and your touch, the pleasure you are giving them, and your attention is turning them on in every way.

Pet names are commonly incorporated in praise play because it is something specific to you that triggers a positive response. If your partner calls you sweetheart and goddess do you blush or smile? When linked with praise play that response is elevated and brings a deeper form of arousal to the surface. 

“Good Girl” or “Good Boy” is the most commonly recognized praise kink phrase. This is a phrase normally given in a submissive manner as the person saying it is more in control of the one they are giving praise to.

Having your appearance complimented is another common form of praise play that can also be used before engaging in a sexual encounter.

“I love the way you look in that outfit.”

“You look so beautiful tonight everyone is wishing they were with you.”

“It drives me crazy when you look at me like that.”

“I can’t wait to show you off.”

Phrases that you can use during foreplay or while you’re engaged in intimate moments with your partner take it one step further. You can receive praise while you are giving pleasure or while you are receiving pleasure and they can each bring out different levels of satisfaction for you. 

“Your body is so responsive. It’s beautiful.” This is a common one used when they touch you and elicit a response such as a flush to your skin or a moan slipping from your lips.

“That’s good, sweetheart. Just like that.”

“You taste so good.”

“I love the way you look as you come undone.”

“Yes, baby no one can give me what you can.”

Discuss with your partner specific words or phrases that stand out to you. Explain what words your body responds to and share with them what boundaries you aren’t comfortable crossing when engaging in praise play. There may be certain phrases that, even though they can be seen as a compliment to some, can be triggering for you, so openly communicating your feelings on this matter is key to fully enjoying your experience.

A great way to discover for yourself how you feel about praise play would be in romance novels. There are some amazing books out there, on the spicier side of course, that show you how the couple dances through praise in and out of the bedroom. You can witness the way the male character talks to the female character and see how your body responds reading a praise scenario between others. It is a great initial step into this world if reading this has stirred up some goddess tingles for you.

If this interests you, read Praise by Sara Cate

Praise By Sara Cate

This is THE book to read when diving into the world of praise kink and how it can truly be an amplifier of pleasure in all ways.

In this book, we first meet our main character, Charlotte, who just got out of a bad relationship and finds herself in a slightly awkward position by working for her ex-boyfriend’s dad as his personal secretary.

Emerson Grant is all things confident, sexy and forbidden older man that we love in a male main character. He is possessive in the best ways and is Charlotte’s guide through all things in the world of dom/sub and praise play. Which could not be a better duty for him to fulfill since he is opening up a sex club and Charlotte is helping him through the process.

Charlotte has never been in a praise play situation before and didn’t consider herself overtly sexual to begin with. So when Emerson starts stirring up all of these feelings and she has to process why her body is responding certain ways she starts to understand that there is a whole other world out there and she wants to explore it.

At one point in the book Charlotte questions if everyone has a kink like a secret dirty astrological sign that is built into their identity and aligned with their personality.

I loved this part because it helps you to grasp how realistic having a kink truly is in this world even if you don’t have a name for it or know specifically what it is that you’re missing, just that you need more.

There is a scene in the book where they are at the club watching in one of the private rooms as a couple plays out a scene. Charlotte is turned on by what she sees even though a part of her brain is telling her not to watch them. Emerson explains to her how they want to be watched. He soothes her fears and worries away and helps her to let herself go in the moment.

She wants to touch herself. Watching them gets her so turned on and the ache in her legs is extreme enough that Emerson has to hold her tightly to support her as she continues to watch the couple play out their scene. When she finally allows herself that relief to pleasure herself to something so taboo like this she is lost to her pleasure. Emerson guides her with his praise. Telling her how she’s such a “Good Girl” and how beautiful she is as she makes herself come. His words carry her through her orgasm and take it from just a physical release to intense pleasure that washes over her as she comes down.

There are more scenes within the book where we watch as Charlotte allows herself to give some of her control to Emerson and let his words be the catalyst to each amount of satisfaction she craves. The entire book is a journey of their romance and how they navigate all the tension they face from the forbidden aspects of their relationship.

I love a good book with praise play and “Good Girl” is definitely my most highlighted phrase in all my books. There is something so simple yet so commanding by that phrase alone. That feeling of knowing you are fully exposed and seen in this moment and the person on the other end of your pleasure is beyond thrilled with what you are offering to them.

It’s a reminder that you are treasured and a gift to them and that they are grateful for you.

If you were curious about whether or not you had a praise kink I hope this answered some of your questions. Take what connected with you in this article and go explore your own pleasure path even further by incorporating praise into it.

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