Smex Ed

It’s time to ditch the taboos and normalize prostate play for men

A couple decades ago, a young girl asked her father, a rural doctor of several communities, how a sperm sample was obtained; she was interested in the field of medicine, learning now about adoptions. The family was on their way to church,  the father driving, the mother in front, the sister and 2 younger brothers in back. 

Silence ensued; you can clearly feel the father trying to answer the question without revealing a minefield of additional questions he was not willing to have at that moment, or any in the future, if he could manage. How many ways could this go badly?

It was the family policy that all questions, regardless of nature, would be addressed if you brought them respectfully, but that one… hmmm. The silence was getting louder, and the pressure was almost tangible now.  The mother, entertained, shifted in her seat, turning her head to the father. The perfect storm was about to unravel. Finally, he muttered, “The doctor digitally massages the prostate…” Nothing more. She was left pondering, puzzled. The mother grinned, turned away, shaking her head. 

“If you don’t know the answer, just say so!” 

“Dad, you lost me at ‘the doctor digitally…’.” 

Years later, she realized she didn’t know what a prostate was, not even what a digit was…

If we go directly to the answer, it is clearly nebulous. There are many ways to answer that question that would have included explanations about masturbation and self-gratification the good doctor avoided at all costs. Apparently, there were topics that cannot be talked about, even in a “talk free environment”, after all, these are taboo topics.

Even well-meaning, educated, wanting-to-be-open individuals with the best of intentions can be blind-sided by our own deep-seated taboos. Let’s review some of them regarding the prostate. 

Prostate Play

In general, a taboo can be understood as a social or religious-customed subject or topic that is considered forbidden, prohibited or culturally sensitive. It can include subjects that are considered inappropriate or offensive to talk about in certain social, cultural, or religious contexts. The most sensitive areas usually pertain to or include sex, drugs, politics, religion, or any other issue that may be considered controversial – shameful – in a particular society. 

Taboos are often deeply ingrained in a culture’s norms, customs and traditions, and breaking them can lead to social ostracism, shame, legal consequences – even death, depending on the accepted societal response to the taboo. As a very important reminder, sexual taboos vary from culture to culture, education, social groups, or religious denominations, and should be respected as personal values/norms and choices. Therefore, out of necessity, discussion scope should be limited to a specific taboo in a certain community.

Many of the taboos, under examination, fail to provide a reasonable or logical explanation other than ancestral precedent or strong beliefs.  

In the case of sexual taboos, the list can be innumerable. However, studies, knowledge and willingness have made many of them mainstream now, which implies recognition of the individuals to act in their privacy according to their desires and in pursuit of their happiness, as they see fit. 

Why is a Prostate Massage Taboo?

In anything related to sex, there is a long, long story, a modern history of repression. In western society, the Christian church took it upon itself to determine what was acceptable, and reprehensible, even in the privacy of a couple’s bedroom. The puritans were even more daring in qualifying pleasure obtained by healthy sexual activity as an expression of lust. No wonder guilt, shame and stigma were always looking for a place to manifest. The previous, first, repressed women and their rights to voice their sexual needs to satisfaction, and the second, conditioned men to almost forget their partners’ needs and to limit their own exploration of new practices to discover. 

To the early Americans, sex was in the domain of the dark and evil. One can only imagine the legacy as a taboo to anything and everything anal. Even desire on that topic was considered unclean and sinful, considered impure and corrupting by many people in the past. 

Men also, rightly, fear their partners’ perceived response since the taboo can be also experienced by the females, in reverse. Thus, this is not all internal to the man; his partner will also manifest their own ingrained feelings, phobias, whatever they may be.

Another important factor to consider is that somehow it has been ingrained that females are to be ‘penetrated’; males are not. Therefore, the ladies are somehow ‘trained’ for that, and giving consent, access to be ‘invaded’. Males, on the other hand, are to ‘penetrate’ and, as such, given consent to do so. Reversing these preconceived ideas requires willingness, openness and vulnerability. When a couple is open to the communication, curiosity and exploration of their sexuality, there will be new horizons to discover with their sexuality. 

Sex for a woman in any form requires invasion. This is unacceptable to men. The prostate itself is not the source of the taboo, as perineal massage does not meet the same resistance. The taboo involves the idea of penetration, and worse, that he might enjoy the penetration itself more than the prostate massage itself, even when they are one. After all, penetration = woman

A difference from the rest of the animal kingdom, which copulates mostly with the purpose of procreation (there are some exceptions like the penguins, otters, bonobos, etc.) we humans enjoy recreational sex anytime, not only seasonal. We enjoy every touch along with the therapeutic and the healing benefits of it. From the medical point of view, the advantage is proportional to the frequency; the more one does, the more you reap the health, pleasure, ease, and intensity. 

On top of the previous, that should result in progressive pleasure, the prostate massage is in fact, medicinal since the health of the prostate and cancer avoidance can take advantage from the practice. As in breast anomalies, where the partner plays an important part in detecting early changes, prostate massage practiced in couples can also benefit from the same reason.

As mentioned in last month’s article of Smex Ed about Anal Sex, the practice is not dirty. Anal dirtiness is something that exists in the mind, not in fact. First thing, it is easy for a healthy person to keep their anus area clean. Secondly, when we open to the awesome fact that nothing is dirty, we clean our minds of its limitations, unleashing a greater force and passion within us.

The sex toy industry has advanced in wondrous ways to compensate females, however, it is only catching up with the male market, making gigantic steps to close the gap. 

Meet Your Prostate!

Despite the previous, and maybe because of the age group, since it is evident that the younger generation is adopting prostate massages and “pegging” (strap-on female performing anal penetration of the male partner) as common practices, one of the things human males dread the most, are things related to the prostate. Even though there are now abundant sources of information on the matter, the issue persists as a taboo for a very large group of males, especially the group between 40 and 60 years old. 

My experience indicates the culprit is the recommended test, Digital Rectal Examination (DRE), to which that group must submit, to detect and prevent incipient changes on the prostate gland that can develop to major upsets like Benign Hypertrophy of the Prostate (HBP) and cancer. The test includes a digital examination of said gland, which is performed in the US, with the patient standing and bending over without bending the knees. However, there are other positions the health provider could choose to perform the test.  

The Prostate Gland, Where Exactly Is It?

The prostate gland or just the prostate, is an organ described everywhere, as “walnut-sized” located below the bladder, anterior to the rectum, above the penis and between the bilateral vasa deferentia (singular: Vas Deferens), the conduits that canalize the spermatozoids from the testicles to the seminal vesicles where they are stored, “held”, until they released or reabsorbed. 

The prostate produces and secretes an alkaline fluid that enriches and provides nutrients to the sperm, preparing them for the travel through the urethra when ejaculated. 

The prostate surrounds the urethra as it exits the bladder, and has multiple “holes” (fenestra) that allow the fluid to be excreted at once, as a torrent at ejaculation or stimulation. It represents approximately 25 to 30% of the volume of the semen; therefore, in the cases of vasectomy (severing of the vasa deferentia), it will represent 85 to 90%, the other 10% or so will be fluid from the seminal vesicles. 

The consistency is described, in a normal or enlarged benign prostate, as elastic or rubbery, similar to the consistency of the firmness of the muscle below the thumb in a tightly closed fist with the thumb folded into the palm.

Legend has it that Petroncellus of Salerno used the DRE (Digital Rectal Exam) to diagnose cancer in the 11th century, although it is not clear whether the cancer was rectal or prostatic¹; and it was the only available diagnostic test for prostate cancer before 1920.²

One of the most interesting facts about the prostate is that it functions as a male G-Spot. It is true. In enhancing sexual satisfaction, this little organ cannot be neglected. The response to the stimulation very likely will improve the intensity of the sexual response and orgasm experience. 

The Prostate & Pleasure

The prostate is a very important part of the male sexual system, it can also be very stealthy in letting us know it is alive and most of the time it does so by surprise. Chronic and acute prostate inflammation, mostly due to microbes, are the most common reasons for visiting the urologist at an age younger than 40. One of the first signs of the swelling is difficulty emptying the bladder. When the channel is closed or too narrow, urine tends to back up and, if that is not attended or resolved, can go all the way back to the kidneys resulting in a kidney infection and later in acute kidney failure.

Treatments of the problems described above include antibiotics and prostatic massage that will gently “squeeze” the gland releasing the pressure around the urethra, and with that, improving urine flow.  

As in anything done in our bodies, exploration, caution and practice to achieve mastery is required in handling or manipulating any delicate parts of it. Prostatic examination requires practice to feel any abnormality, too. Prostatic massage requires the same dedication for the purpose of therapy as for the purpose of gratification. 

As an extra note, it has been reported that the incidence of prostate cancer diminishes up to 33% when a prostate is regularly emptied.

If you have questions about how to milk your Prostate, check out article giving you a step by step process https://ro.co/health-guide/prostate-massage-milking-benefits/#how-to-massage-the-prostate

Let’s jump to some recommendations:

Keep your prostate healthy. Almost all men over 50 experience some level of prostate growth. These tests are progressive and respond to the finding especially if you are in the group age.  

https://www.std-gov.org/blog/prostate-function/

• Digital rectal examination (DRE): A doctor inserts a lubricated, gloved finger into the rectum and feels the prostate. A DRE can sometimes detect an enlarged prostate, lumps or nodules of prostate cancer, or tenderness from prostatitis (inflammation of the prostate). As in the detection of breast cancer it has been demonstrated that alteration in the shape of the prostate can also be detected by the partner.
• Prostate-specific antigen (PSA):  The prostate makes a protein called PSA, which can be measured by a blood test. If PSA is high, prostate cancer is more likely, but an enlarged prostate can also cause a high PSA. Recommendations about whether or not a man should be screened and at what age differ. Talk with your primary care specialist about whether you need testing and the potential benefits and risks. 
• Prostate ultrasound (transrectal ultrasound): An ultrasound probe is inserted into the rectum, bringing it close to the prostate. Ultrasound is often done with a biopsy to test for prostate cancer.
• Prostate biopsy: A needle is inserted into the prostate to remove a sample of tissue to check for prostate cancer. This is usually done through the rectum.

The www.STD-gov.org states the prostate has 10 functions, today we will only focus on the prostate as the male G-Spot. 

Those who are more receptive to such types of sexual techniques will observe that their sexual experience tends to be longer lasting and more intense. The book The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure offers a nonjudgmental approach to prostate and anal pleasure. It is important to mention to beginners that because one has dared to explore their sexuality in any way, one’s sexual preferences would not change, unless they were already there. Another very useful book on the matter is Bend Over Boyfriend, for hetero couples exploring male anal and prostate stimulation. 

A study by AlterNet indicates that 71% heterosexual males would participate or would be willing to explore the pleasure of prostate milking. Even when men can stimulate their prostates to a degree without anal penetration, by applying pressure to the perineum (the strip of skin between the scrotum and the anus), if one knows about stimulating your G-spot, then it may be possible to gain higher control of the ejaculation process.