Smex Ed

Raising daughters to be CONFIDENT A.F. in their bodies and it all starts with how we introduce Positive Body Talk

What is Positive Body Talk and how does it affect our daughters?

Think about the first time you ever felt ashamed about your body because you are a female. Was it a comment or comments from your family, friends, boys? You were most likely at a young and impressionable age where you can still remember who said it, how they said it, and what effect it had on you. 

I had those moments young and into young adulthood of feeling ashamed of my body because of comments or gestures from others. I was confused by the comments and couldn’t tell if it was a comment to be mean or should be flattered since it was about my body… MY BODY. 

Puberty and school years are already hard enough, then we add in all these confusing feelings, emotions and an ever-changing body that a female goes through. All of which is out of our control, yet we are criticized for what is out of our control. There were not a lot of resources that were helpful and these were not topics to openly discuss, even with parents.

This is when I knew that if I had a daughter, we were going to create an environment of positive body talks and start young with age appropriate discussions. I never wanted her to feel the way I had felt. I wanted to be sure to raise her with the tools to be confident with herself and the amazing things her body is made to do. Each stage as a female brings a change to adapt to, each stage just as powerful as the next and then some.

HOW TO START BODY POSITIVE TALKS

STEP 1: NICKNAMES ARE A NO NO

The very first thing we did was not allow use of nicknames for body parts. We were going to call them what they are. There is confusion in nicknames and brings a feeling that something about their body is wrong. Early on, our daughter was infatuated with my Anatomy & Physiology textbooks from college. This came in handy for every discussion about her body. We were able to not only say the actual parts of her bodies, but the book reinforced that trust of our truth in what we were saying. Two birds, one stone; learning body parts and learning to read!

STEP 2: GETTING YOUR PARTNER INVOLVED

Her father was also part of positive body talks, starting by how he talked about mine. Especially if caught me saying something I wasn’t happy with about my body and him explaining why it is perfect in every way. She knew he may not bring the subject up as I would, but if she did, he would talk with her instead of stating to “wait for your mother”. There was no shame in any conversation being had. 

STEP 3: OPEN FAMILY DISCUSSIONS

Starting these conversations young allowed that open dialogue to grow and continue. He was a big part when it came to talking about the opposite sex. Our children are fifteen months apart and we had one of each, so when we got to the upper elementary age, we had the conversations as a family. Our son hearing these conversations with our daughter prepared him when it came time for him to date and understanding her on a more mature level than most. 

I completely understand that this was not normal in many homes. I had many close friends who thought we were crazy. We guided some conversations and we allowed our children to guide other conversations. And you know what? Those friends who thought we were “crazy” well, as their children got older and they ran into some issues on sex and understanding bodies, they wished they had done what we had. Their conversations were coming too late. 

It is never too late to start talking to your children about their bodies and starting to keep that line of communication open.  Keeping the lines of communication open between family members also helps prepare boys who are growing into men to get comfortable with the female body so they can offer support and encouragement to the women in their lives. 

WHY IT MATTERS TO HAVE THESE TALKS

I get this is not an easy subject, but we as adults have the tools to equip and empower our children, especially our daughters. As mothers, it’s time to change the narrative that past generations have put on their daughters because they didn’t want to have those open conversations. 

As fathers, it’s time to stand for the women in their lives by supporting them and encouraging them and letting them know you will listen and communicate honestly. It is imperative that young women stand tall, stand firm, and keep having those positive body talks so they feel the strength of being a woman and knowing that they have BOTH of their parents standing behind them. 

One of my proudest moments of our daughter was around second grade, when an older boy used a slang term about the vagina. She stood up, turned around, and told him what the scientific name is. Imagine this tiny thing of a girl proudly stating the name of a body part she has and feeling satisfied she taught him something that day!

These moments are the reasons why body positivity talk is so important for your children. They give them strength and make these topics less “embarrassing” and “taboo”. They normalize them because they are normal.

Of course, the bus driver contacted me and I said I was so proud that she was teaching others the truth about the female body. She did not back down, she did not laugh, she just simply stated what it is. 

Imagine this, changing the future for the females in our lives. We can be a part of providing a whole new and positive mindset about the beauty of our bodies and what all that body can do. We no longer want to create conversations to heal from, but create conversations to empower, encourage, change the mindset, culture and our communications for females everywhere. As Ruth Bader Ginsburg said, “Real change, enduring change, happens one step at a time.” Let’s be the change we want to see and start at step 1.