Let’s be honest, dirty talk is a form of sexual expressing that many people struggle with. My DMS are filled with questions such as

“My partner is quiet during sex, I want them to speak up more. How do I go about this?”

“I want to explore more with dirty talk, but I feel really awkward when expressing myself in that way. How do I gain self confidence in doing this?”

“My partner wants to add dirty talk to the bedroom, but I am shy and don’t know how to express what I want”

Dirty Talk is what originally made my social media platforms take off and I haven’t really spoken about the topic in a really long time. Therefore, I wanted to dedicate an article and a video to this topic.

Below is a 30 minute video discussing:

• Why dirty talk is such a vulnerable form of sexual expression
• The difference between dirty talk in a foreplay setting (sexting) and dirty talk while in the heat of the moment during sex
• How to become more vocal during sex if you struggle with sexual expression
• How to help empower your partner into expressing themselves sexually

Can’t Watch the Video?

That’s ok, here is a TLDR list of the points of the video (but take some time to watch it when you can)

Vulnerability

Sex is considered a taboo topic that we are told shouldn’t be expressed or spoken about out loud. Because of this, a lot of people struggle expressing themselves sexually because of all of the societal conditioning & shame that is built around sex. Therefore, being comfortable enough to open yourself up sexually and express your wants and desires to a partner is something that is very, very vulnerable.

My biggest piece of advice is recognizing that vulnerability is something that’s truly powerful, rather than something that is weak or makes you scared because whenever you explore something new sexually, you open yourself up to another person intimately, which can be quiet scary.

Vulnerability is something that every single person on this planet struggles with, because vulnerability is not something that is taught to us, in fact, society attempts to basically be beaten out of us from a young age, painting vulnerability as weakness. To be a vulnerable person is no small feat and to open yourself up sexually, and be able to express your wants and desires is something we all as humans struggle with. The key is recognizing that it’s okay to be vulnerable.

Discuss Verbiage & Style Preferences with Your Partner

It’s important to establish boundaries with your partner BEFORE participating in dirty talk. This helps ensure that there aren’t any cringe worthy moments that happen.

Ask your partner, what terms to use when discussing their body. Do they like the words pussy, penis, cum, anus, etc. What style of dirty talk do they like? Graphic, Sensual, Poetic? The more clear you are on what each of you like, the better experience each of you will have during the act itself.

For example, some women are turned off by graphic language during dirty talk, preferring more poetic and sensual descriptions. They want more teasing and build-up during dirty talk, while men tend to focus on penetration and graphic language.

Couples should have open discussions about their preferences for dirty talk, using language that feels comfortable and sexy for both parties.

Feeling More Confident with Dirty Talk

My biggest piece of advice for those of you who struggle expressing yourself sexually is to practice during masturbation. While you are in the act of touching yourself, start saying things out loud such as “that feels good” “I like that” or even allowing yourself to let out a moan or a gasp when something feels good

My next suggestion is practicing saying desires out loud in front of a mirror to become more comfortable and confident in expressing them during sex. Experiment with different phrases and find what feels most comfortable to you. If you say something out loud and you see yourself physically cringe at the awkwardness, ask yourself “what other way can I express this that makes me feel more comfortable?”

While during the act, don’t focus on saying a million different “dirty” sayings to your partner, practice just focusing on how it feels and saying it outloud

“ I love the way you kiss me”

“It feels so good to have you deep inside of me”

“I love when you do that to me”

Are a few examples that you can use that will help make you more vocal during sex. A moan, a gasp, a growl, go along way as well.

Empowering Your Partners to Be More Vocal

Remember, vocalizing your desires can be a very vulnerable thing. If you want your partner to become more vocal in the bedroom, it is your job to make them feel empowered while doing so.

How do you accomplish this? By praising them every single time they express themselves during sex. If your partner moans, say “I love when you moan, it turns me on so much”

Coach them into opening up by asking them “how does this feel? Do you like that”

If they reply by saying “go harder, deeper, slower. Yes I love that”

Praise them “yes, baby, I love this”

The more empowered your partner feels, the more they will continue to open up to you and express themselves in the bedroom

Consistent effort in both the bedroom and everyday life is crucial for great sex, as it creates a strong connection and makes the partner feel comfortable and confident.