Smex Ed

An exotic dancer addresses the questions her female patrons wished they knew answers to before their first club experience

She was beautiful, wide eyed, and sitting at a corner table with a male patron. He had called me over and handed me cash for a lap dance – for her. “Can I watch?” He asked impishly. 

“Not unless it’s okay with her and you pay extra,” I cheekily replied. “Otherwise it’s a girl’s moment only.” I looked at her and gave her a wink. She giggled nervously. 

“Oh go on,” he waved us away while handing me an extra twenty. “It’s her first time, blow her mind cause you’re my favorite.” She looked a little disconcerted at his admission and I wondered if she knew how frequently this patron – her boyfriend – came in. I took her hand and led her to the VIP section. “Don’t worry” I whispered, “this is all about you.”

As I straddled her lap to start the dance she whispered “Can you just stay like this and talk?” 

“Absolutely,” I smiled. She relaxed visibly and we had a great time chatting and giggling like college girls at a slumber party about  being a dancer, what the life was like, club culture, and I realized – not of the first time – how many female patrons had no clue what to expect before they entered a burlesque, bikini, topless, or full nudity, club.

As I walked her back to the table, she gave me a hug and shyly spoke these words in my ear ,“I’ll call you over later for a second dance for me. And this time I’ll let you dance.” Aloud she told her partner “She was AMAZING and I want her again later tonight.” His grin was huge as she blew me a kiss.

Full disclosure: although I’ve now danced off and on for years, I myself had never been in a strip club until the night I auditioned. So the first time I had a female client, it didn’t occur to me that they might be a bit nervous coming in. But after dancing in multiple cities and countries, I’ve grown to adore my female patrons and appreciate the experience from their point of view. 

So here’s the top ten things my female clients wished someone had told them before their first club adventure.

1) All reasons for coming in are valid

The reasons for visiting a club are as numerous and varied as one can imagine. From partner pressure for a sexy night out, to curiosity about what we do, to attraction to females, to wondering about trying a career as a dancer, to bachelor/birthday/baby shower celebrations – I’ve heard them all. One of my favorites was an older couple trying to rekindle a romance. She had been bisexual back when NO ONE talked about it (her words), and finally had confessed to him. Both were in their seventies now and he got a kick out of bringing her in to enjoy the show. They were incredible tippers on my stages!

Note: You do NOT have to come in. A reminder that if you are ever feeling pressured to be there, you can always tell the other person NO without having to explain. We want you to be happy in the club. It’s a fun environment, but like any form of entertainment, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. No one should force you to be anywhere you don’t want to be.

2) Wear what makes you happy

I cannot tell you how many times WOMEN apologized to me for what they were wearing because they were not dressed “sexy” or in “lingerie”. Darling ease your mind. We are the entertainment, not you. I’ve had female clients show up in everything from evening gowns to sweats. Be comfy. Feel good in your skin. 

(If you do intend to get a lap dance, however, try not to wear clothes that will snag our outfits or anything needing a good laundering. Cleanliness matters when we are getting up close and personal to your space.)

3) The dancers are not competing for your significant other

Please read that again. Because while we would LOVE to turn ALL customers into regular dedicated PATRONS, we are not looking to become their girlfriends. Dancers are entertainers, who provide sensual experiences, and often a form of escapism therapy. While there are those out there trying to make money off of some “extras” (and you would be amazed to find out that people in “traditional careers” are literally doing this too), the real professionals are there to entertain, delight, and send them home to you. We want to go home to our own lives, not mess with yours.

4) Bring money (cash) to tip the dancers

If you come into a club, understand that we make our income off of our patrons tipping us, and buying VIP experiences (dances and private shows). We’ve put out a considerable investment to be there – paying house fees, tipping out multiple people (managers, security, DJs, bartenders), getting costumes, special stage makeup, hair and nail treatments, and heels. Many of us take classes on pole dancing, invest money in extra beauty and fitness treatments, in addition to the regular bills, classes, and lives we lead. 

None of us would be there if we weren’t making money, but there is no guarantee of an income. Every day is dependent on who walks in and what they choose to spend. We also often do our own marketing as clubs have invested less and less, relying on dancers to use social media.

So the more people who come in and just stare at us without participating in club culture, the more prevalent it is to have other patrons exploit the environment as a “free show”. Compliments are appreciated and welcome, but they don’t pay the bills or provide the tools to create the experience you crave.

Cash is still KING (or QUEEN), although occasionally some dancers will allow other forms of payment. But with the ability to have people reverse transactions after they leave, the bulk of us are hesitant to allow anyone but the most dedicated clients pay in any other way. Plus we have to pay our fees/tip-outs in cash, so other methods don’t serve us as well.

5) Girls get lap dances too (and you don’t have to be into women to enjoy it)

The first time I ever gave a girl a lap dance, I was nervousAF. Fortunately she was a regular at the club and knew I was a baby stripper fresh out on the stage. From her I learned the nuances of providing a different kind of dance to the woman I performed for. Facts are facts, we have different parts then the guys, and often a more sensual experience (versus a grind) was the tipping point to convert a curious female into a dedicated patron of mine.

But feel free to speak up about what makes you comfortable too! We do have rules (which vary from state to state) about how close we can get to you, etc, but we don’t even have to dance during a lap dance if that’s not your thing. I’ve had women who just wanted sensual hugs, to rub noses (she was a cutie), giggle and talk boy talk, or simply ask me questions about being a dancer.

6) The dancers ARE genuinely happy to see you

Period. If you are a paying patron, we don’t care about your color, gender identity, sexual preference, or if you live life as a purple people eater. (One of my older patrons dressed up as one for a Halloween VIP party one year. He was hysterical.) We welcome all clientele into the establishment, and want you to have a fun time.

7) We love sharing places to shop for sexy outfits, shoes, makeup (just be sure to tip us for our time that we spend talking)

Since we are there to make money, if you want to talk shop, simply tip us. Unless we have someone waiting for us, many of us would be happy for the break to talk about these fun topics with you. And share your suggestions too! I’ve gotten fun tips from some of my patrons about where to go for costumes, make up, and hair when I’ve traveled to a new city. 

(Plus if you ever want to see a dancer in a particular outfit, feel free to ask her if you can gift her. Many of us have Amazon wishlists, or favorite stores, and would love to wear something wonderful for your next time in!)

8) You can come in alone – for any reason

Girl power to the max if you have the balls (actually pussy because we all know they are STRONG) to enter a club alone. Although traditional clubs with female dancers are generally catering to male clientele, some of my favorite patrons were my powerful females who came in after work because as one said “I like boys, but women look hotter in lingerie.” Why not? And you can choose to hang out and quietly tip us on stage, buy your own dances, or invite a group of us over to your table for a girl’s night out (please tip us well) atmosphere in the club. 

9)  The only thing you need to bring other than money (cash), is an open mind

Dancers come from all walks of lives, ethnicities, backgrounds, skills levels, education levels,  just like humans in any other industry. One of the most common questions I got asked is WHY I chose to dance – with the assumption implied that I had “no other choice”. Imagine their surprise to find that I am highly educated (multiple degrees that I paid for myself), well-traveled, speak a smattering of languages, and have worked multiple careers in various industries.

I loved dancing for the freedom of schedule it afforded me, the sensuality of creating stage performances, the human connection with my clientele, and the fact I got to wear lingerie to “the office”. (I adore anything French, tiny, and lacey looking. And I still wear those types of things on my subscription sites.) Dancing gave me confidence and joy, and I never have regretted a single moment!

Please also understand that dancers are performers. While I had the luxury of being open about my real life, some prefer to make up stories about their lives as part of the entertainment, and to protect their privacy. Questions about our “real names” are taboo, as is where we live. 

10) Photography not allowed

This is a BIG one. Although occasionally dancers will snap a selfie with their favorite patrons, MOST clubs have a STRICT no filming rule. This is for your safety and that of the dancers. My own life is pretty open, and everyone knows what I do for a living. But in a world that (ridiculously) still makes the industry seem taboo, filming patrons and dancers can lead to potentially harmful consequences in their outside lives if the video gets out. Not to mention it violates multiple state and federal laws. So put the phones away (unless you are getting a dancer’s social media to stay connected in order to enjoy their own content or keep current on their schedule), and sit back, relax and enjoy the show!

Now remember the lovely female patron from the beginning? Unlike a Grimm’s fairy tale, this piece has a pretty sweet ending. She did indeed get another dance from me before they left for the night. And about two months later, I was in the dressing room changing outfits when the manager came looking for me. 

“You have a couple requesting you dance in a VIP room for them for a half hour.” 

I quickly finished getting ready and walked out to find SHE had returned, with her new boyfriend. “It’s his birthday,’ she said confidently, ‘and I thought it would be fun to have you dance for us both.” 

I couldn’t contain my smile as she added , “He’s never been in a strip club before, but don’t worry, I told him what to expect and how to behave.” She gave me a wink.

I do so love my empowered women patrons.