Smex Ed

Teaching vulva owners to unlock their orgasmic pleasure

Vulva owners, your body is capable of incredible things: orgasms, ejaculation, squirting and as a woman, I knew little to nothing about what my body was capable of. In school, Sex Education tended to focus more on the male body, male pleasure, and procreation. The female body is barely mentioned and when it is, it is only seen as a “tool” rather than the incredible vessel of pleasure that it actually is.

No one tells you that your vulva, is capable of ejaculating just like men

That the vulva, can squirt BEFORE and AFTER reaching an orgasm

That there are 12 different types of orgasms that your body can experience, all uniquely pleasure filled

That all of these sensations, feelings, this pleasure is all completely NORMAL and every person should embrace them

Instead, of the bullshit it tends to preach (as seen below)

Vulva owners deserve the right to feel safe in their bodies, they deserve the education they desired, and they should be given the same amount of rights to experience pleasure as their penis counter parts are given.

Therefore, I am here to teach you about the shit you didn’t, but SHOULD HAVE learned in high school. Sit down, grab a notebook, class is now in session.

*We are going to be referring to the terms associated with the vulva owner’s bodies by their scientific name, which attaches gender to it. We understand that our audience is full of people who may choose not to identify with a specific gender. We want to acknowledge that your gender assigned at birth does not define who you are. We accept all people on this platform & work to diversify our language accordingly. Thank you*

WHAT IS FEMALE EJACULATION?

The umbrella term of female ejaculation is used to describe both squirting and female ejaculation, however, female squiring and ejaculation are two different results of female pleasure. Check out this snip it from the National Library of Medicine discussing their results when testing Female Ejaculation vs Female Squirting.

Female Ejaculation: is typically produced by Skene’s glands which is the female equivalent to the male prostate and is a milky white substance, typically looking like semen. This typically happens after sexual stimulation of some sort. The women I have spoken with who have the ability to ejaculate say it usually comes after an intense orgasm. Many of them didn’t even realize they had the ability to cum/cream (which it is often referred as) until they started watching themselves in a mirror, recording themselves, or were told by a partner that they did it.

Female Squirting: is when a clear liquid containing traces of urine, PSA, glucose, and fructose. When a woman becomes aroused, her bladder fills with squirting fluid, and when she releases the liquid, it is excreted from the urethra. Squiring can happen either before or after an orgasm and typically feels like a full bladder that needs to be released.

Squirting Contains Urine?

Let’s just dive right into the elephant in the room and the answer I know all of you want to know, and as stated above, yes, squirting liquid can contain trace amounts of urine. However, the studies on female squirting are far and few between and none of them have been able to conclude the exact amount of what it contains.

The best way I heard it described was on Madeline Gregg, Sex Educator, Tik Tok video on squirting. She describes the difference between urine and coffee as coming from the same “well” but being two different elements (check out her video below) meaning, squirting contains other elements than just urine.

@the.attitude.tok

insert squirt emoji #smexedwithmadeline #anatomyclass #healthclass #educationalcontent #foryourpride

♬ Lipstick Lover – Janelle Monáe

Regardless of what it contains, women wouldn’t have the ability to squirt if they weren’t meant to. Squirting shouldn’t be something you are embarrassed about, it’s a natural process that your body has the ability to do and it should be explored as often as possible. Something I often talk about on my platforms is the face that semen can contain trace amounts of urine in it, especially if your partner has gone to the bathroom right before intercourse. It’s excreted from the urethra just like squirting liquid is and yet we don’t scream “IT CONTAINS URINE” every time someone brings up semen. This is because semen is normalized in a patriarchal culture while female squirting isn’t.

How Much Liquid Comes Out?

This honestly depends on the person, it can be as little as a drop to as much or more than a cup. Typically it depends on the circumstances (whether the person is with someone they trust vs a new partner), the duration between squirting sessions, etc.

When you watch porn, squirting typically looks like a fire hose that can project the fluid from one corner of the room to the other, which isn’t necessary true. The first time you squirt, it might just be a little dribble or you must gush. There is no exact answer to this question because it varies in every single person.

How Do You Squirt/Ejaculate?

Once again, this is going to depend on the person. But what I can do is share with you my personal experience with you in hopes that it can help you discover this aspect of yourself. Before I dive into the details, we do need to discuss that not every woman has the ability to squirt/ejaculate. Studies show that between 10-50% of women CAN ejaculate (this includes both ejaculation fluid & squirting) therefore, some women may not have the ability. If what I describe doesn’t resonate with you or you’ve never experienced any of the sensations, that is totally ok and is normal! Whether you can or can not squirt doesn’t determine whether or not you can have a healthy sex life. If you can’t squirt, you can still 100% have orgasms and reach climatic state in other ways. Also, I believe that a lot of women may have the ability to squirt and maybe actively doing it without even realizing it’s happening.

The problem is, that the only representation we see with squirting comes from main stream porn, which isn’t realistic in some cases. Like I stated before, the amount of liquid that comes out during squirting can be anywhere from a dribble to a full on gush. Therefore, some women maybe actively squirting but not realizing it because it’s not pouring out of them. This is one of the reasons I tell woman to record themselves masturbating.

Before you cringe, hear me out, when you record yourself masturbating you are able to watch what happens with your body when you are at a fully aroused state. You can watch back the video and see what your body is capable of. I would have never discovered the fact that I could ejaculate if it wasn’t for recording myself during the process. It sounds “taboo” but honestly, it’s just a way to get to know your body better, to connect with it a bit more.

How to Ejaculate:

Now this one is a bit harder for me to describe than squirting only because, like I stated above, I found out that I could ejaculate by accident in a way. The first time I discovered I could ejaculate was during a masturbation session where I was struggling getting myself to squirt. I was using my favorite toy, spicy messaging with someone while doing it, and they asked me to send a video of me squirting to them. I kept trying to reach squirting state but between juggling my vibrator in one hand and the phone in the other, I was struggling to reach that state. I kept rocking my body with orgasm after orgasm but I couldn’t get myself to squirt (performance pressure: which we will discuss later.)

After the second orgasm, I started to feel a similar sensation but slightly different than squirting. It felt like a pressure inside of me, a release that felt almost deeper than my typical squirting release. I started to push into the feeling, grabbed my phone to film what I believed was about to be me squirting, and was surprised to see the ejaculation fluid instead. At the time, I had no idea women could ejaculate and I definitely had a ‘What the absolute fuck” moment when I saw the video being played back to me.

That was when I started researching female ejaculation vs female squirting. I was amazed that my body was able to experience pleasure at that level and was on a quest to find out what exactly what had happened.

Here is some advice I can give you to see if you have the ability to ejaculate:

1. Edge Yourself/ Multi Orgasm: When I discovered I could ejaculate it was during a pretty long masturbation session (around 15-30 minutes) where I was heavily using a clitoral vibrator on myself. The reason I believe I was able to ejaculate vs squirt was because I was unintentionally edging myself. Because of having to type back to the person I was spicy messaging with, holding the toy, and trying to stay in the mood I was constantly bringing myself almost to climaxing and then getting distracted bringing myself back down from reaching climax, I was edging myself. The next time you are in a solo session, set up a device to record yourself (so that you can see it happen), and try edging yourself. Get yourself as close to climaxing as possible, when you are just about to orgasm (fall over the climatic cliff) stop what you are doing. Take a few deep breaths and allow your body to calm back down. Once you’ve given it a few minutes and your body is relaxed, start to climb that hill again. Repeat this process a few times (between 2-4 times) on the final climb, go very slowly, teasing yourself every step of the way. Remember, the slower you go, the larger of the orgasm you will have when you allow yourself to go over the cliff.
2. Push Against the Pressure: When you have finally allowed yourself to tip off that cliff, you should feel a pressure building inside of you. Push against that pressure. This will probably feel different for every single woman, but we are also extremely intuitive beings with our body, meaning our body will tell us what it wants us to do. If you feel the pressure building, chase that pressure rather than running away from it.

How to Squirt

Squirting can happen before or after an orgasm and feels like a releasing sensation, basically it feels like you have to pee really bad, but like we discussed before it’s not pee so don’t get freaked out when you feel that sensation.

A lot of women I speak with will resonate with the “having to pee” sensation, but they stop themselves from the release because their brain has built the belief that releasing that sensation means urinating all over their partner. With squirting it’s about pushing past the believe that what you are doing is wrong and recognizing how fucking right it actually is. Also, the actual area that causes squirting for each woman is different. Clitorial stimulation does the trick for some, while others prefer g-spot or cervical stimulation, there are even women who squirt from anal sex. The best way to see what area brings on the sensation is to play with the different sensations and see which one does the trick. A few things about squirting:

1. It Will Be Intense: When you are on the verge of squirting it is going to feel very intense. The pressure to release the liquid is going to push down onto you. Recognize that the level of intensity you are feeling is safe and that you don’t want to stop whatever is bringing on that sensation. For example, if it is happening during oral sex while your partner is face deep inside of you, lashing their tongue on your clit, tell them to keep going. The intensity might make you feel like you need to back off, but instead you need to keep on doing the damn thing! Intensity isn’t necessarily a bad thing, ride that intensity and get an amazing experience on the other side
2. Deep Breathing is Key: Typically when we reach orgasmic state, our heart rate increases and we begin to quicken our breathing patterns. When you feel the sensation for release, try and slow your breathing down to relax your body. Take deep inhales and ride the sensation.
3. Clear Your Mind: You’d think this is the easiest step, but it’s the hardest. Try to not hyper fixate on the fact that you are about to squirt. If you start focusing on it too hard, you will be pulled out of the moment and put unnecessary pressure on yourself. When you feel the releasing sensation start to happen, take those deep breaths, close your eyes, clear your mind and let your body do what it wants to do.

Masturbation is KEY: When women ask me the question “how do I squirt/ejaculate?” I always tell them, MASTURBATE! My first experience with squirting happened when I was in my early 20s in 69 position with my boyfriend at the time. But honestly, it didn’t start happening frequently until my late 20s when I started masturbating and allowed myself the safety to see what my body was capable of. The first time I ever ejaculated was through masturbation.

Unfortunately there is a lot of stigma when it comes to female masturbation because of societal, religious, and generational conditioning which causes a lot of women to shy away from touching themselves. Some partners even shame their counterparts for masturbating instead of having sex with them. But the fact is, masturbation is safe, healthy, and normal. The only way you are going to truly learn what your body is capable of: what makes it tick, what you like/dislike, what gets you to ejaculate is to take the time to explore your own body.

Schedule yourself a 10-15 minute self exploration session this week and allow yourself to reconnect with your body again. Allow yourself to explore every inch of it, to glide your hands over your skin, to sink into the pleasure that you deserve.

Squirting & Ejaculation are for YOU

I want to part this article by stating, that squirting and ejaculation are for YOU, the person experiences it, not for other’s entertainment.

I receive messages daily from women saying “My partner wants me to squirt, how do I do it?” “I squirted once during sex and now my partner gets upset when I don’t do it every time, how do I get my body to squirt again?” “My husband keeps asking me why I can’t squirt like the women he sees in porn, is there something wrong with me? Why can’t I do it?” The fact is, squirting isn’t a god damn performance that you need to put on in order for your partner to feel more confident and/or adequate about their sexual prowess.

Ejaculation isn’t something you have to do, it is something that you should want to do. The second you start feeling like it’s a performance, you won’t be able to do it.

Ejaculation is meant for you to feel the most pleasure that your body is capable of and if you put pressure on yourself to “achieve” the sensation, it’s not going to happen. I call this performance pressure, when you are trying to squirt for all the wrong reasons: to please your partner, to make someone else feel adequate, to prove to yourself that you aren’t broken. When you do this to yourself, you will be able to feel the sensation of needing to squirt/ejaculate, but then you just won’t be able to. Your body will get stage fright, freezing up completely because you are putting a blinding spotlight on your pussy. That is unfair to you.

If your partner is putting pressure on you about it as well, this is the time to set some very clear and strict boundaries with them. Express to them that when they act the way they do, it puts pressure on you and doesn’t make the act pleasureful. This isn’t about them, it is about YOU.

This is about you being able to experience pleasure at a level you should. It’s not selfish, it’s deserved.